A Unique Rite of Passage at Friends Academy’s Middle School

The four words in bold, black lettering are impossible to miss. The moment students enter Room 120 at Friends Academy’s Middle School, the message jumps off the wall and seems to reach across the room as if giving high-fives: “Let Your Life Speak.”

A few months into the new school year, the inspirational words took on deeper meaning as fifth graders put them into practice in a unique way. 

For the first time, they led their own parent-teacher conferences — a rite of passage in the school’s four-year curriculum. 

“This is one of the first times when they get to tell a group of adults what their goals are, what their needs are, and what they want to accomplish,” says Middle School Dean Christine Botti. “We are helping them develop their own independent identities.”

Every fifth grader chooses three topics to speak about: something they love doing, something they want to improve, and anything else they want to dive into for a final area of conversation.

Teachers listen. Parents listen.

Students feel seen, heard, understood, and respected.

“I got to go in the room and express my feelings and share how I’m doing, so that felt very good,” says Eléonore, a fifth-grader (pictured above). “It feels very different than just my parents telling me how they felt.”

When teachers share feedback at the end, their guidance falls under two headings: glows and grows. 

Rather than parents talking with teachers and relaying messages to kids at home, everyone sits in a circle of desks and gets on the same page going forward — a plan that puts students in charge of their education.

“It’s really fun to see Eléonore at the center of it and be empowered to take ownership,” says her dad, Marc. “And for her to hear directly from her teachers, face-to-face with her parents there, that’s much more powerful for her to grasp her strengths and areas of growth. I think it’s a super effective way to deliver the message, and it’s great to have her leading the whole thing. We love this format, for sure.”

In grades 6–8, students lead multiple conferences across multiple subjects of study. 

In fifth grade, students lead conferences with all of their core teachers — Mrs. Marisa Cabrera for English, Mrs. Meghan Leonhardt for science, Mrs. Brie Kraska for math, Mr. Chris Fischetti for history (pictured below, from l. to r.) — listening attentively in the same room.

These conferences are less a transformative experience and more an opportunity for parents to witness what teachers see every day: students stepping into more responsibilities while growing as people.

“I asked Eléonore the night before, are you worried about your conference tomorrow? Should we review what you’re going to say?” says her mom, Christine. “And she was like, ’No, I feel very confident.’ And seeing her do it, she wasn’t fazed. I still get nervous when I have public speaking to do. She spoke loud and well and with a smile.”

From her office at the end of the main hallway, Dean Botti has the perfect vantage point to watch families exiting classrooms and moving about the building. With the smiles, she sometimes sees tears from parents who are so overcome after seeing their children thrive in new and unexpected ways.

“I have watched so many parents walk down the hall and put an arm around their child and tell them how proud they are,” Dean Botti says. “I’ve seen so many tears, happy tears, during our couple days of conferences this fall.”

By design, fifth graders are put on a pathway to independence that is fostered every step of the way during their Friends Academy journey.

“When families come in and see their children leading the conferences, it helps the parents realize that school is their child’s experience,” says Middle School English teacher Adriana Bocchino. “We’re treating them like young adults. It’s impactful for parents to see their child growing from baby to teenager, and it’s also impactful for kids to know they have a seat at the table and can be a part of conversations about hopes and dreams and feedback for them.

“I’ve had a lot of moments where I felt close to tears myself,” she adds. “Parents can see how much you love a child as much as they do, and that you really do mean that you’re going to look out for them like your own.”

Photos by Alvin Caal / Friends Academy